Like anyone, I will tell you that it is better to be alone than with an unhealthy partner. I would also say that first and foremost, you need to have a beautiful and fulfilling relationship with yourself before you can make a relationship work with someone else. We often think that when we find the one, we’ll be happy. But the truth is, to be happy with someone else, you need to first know how to make yourself happy.
With this said, there’s nothing quite as sweet as having a supporting loving partner by your side both for fun and hard times. It’s comforting to have a steady person that’s got your back. And it’s also very rewarding to experience yourself giving, loving and caring for another person. While many people have totally fulfilled relationships without getting married, and in certain situations, domestic partnership outweighs marriage, are there advantages to being married?
Here are some benefits to think of when deciding if you want to tie the know or not:
Finances. Marriage can offer several financial benefits. If you want to buy a house, particularly in expensive areas, two salaries can make the difference between affording and being qualified for a loan. A larger combined income often qualifies you for a bigger loan with better repayment terms than you could get on your own.
Credit. If one spouse has better credit than the other, the good-credit spending habits will help boost the other partner’s rating.
Car insurance, whether you’re purchasing a new policy or hoping for a lower rate on an existing policy, a joint policy for a married couple can sometimes bring in better rates.
Health insurance. Many health insurance plans will allow a spouse to be added to a policy for less than the cost of two single policies. Or even better, one spouse’s employer may cover the other spouse’s healthcare as part of the offered benefits.
Social Security and retirement. In some cases, you can claim up to 50 percent of your partner’s social security allotment as spousal benefits after retirement, in the case of disability or death. You can also inherit each other’s retirement accounts if you have them.
Taxes. There can be significant tax benefits to marriage that benefit both spouses, depending on your individual situation. Here’s where a good accountant can help you make smart decisions even before you get married. If one partner earns more than the other, the lower-earning spouse can be a “tax shelter,” keeping the couple in a lower tax bracket and saving both partners money. Couples filing jointly may fall in a lower tax bracket than single filers and standard deductions can sometimes be double for married filers.
Married couples are also exempt from estate tax and gift tax when giving each other money or assets. You can leave a significant estate to your spouse, or give them $14,000 or more in money or valuable items, and avoid the tax fines you’d have otherwise.
Psychologically. Married people do better than singles on several markers including stress levels, depression, sickness and quality of sleep. According to statisticians Bernard Cohen and I-Sing Lee, who compiled a catalog of relative mortality risks, “being unmarried is one of the greatest risks that people voluntarily subject themselves to.”
Sex. Well, the research is in on that too. But just from a practical standpoint, you can figure out that married people have sex more often, and better sex too. Communication, safety, and commitment make for better overall outcomes of sexual satisfaction in married couples. Not to mention safer and regular sex in a monogamous relationship lowers your risks for sexual disease and a host of other diseases as well.
General Health. One significant reason marriage has such strong health benefits is that spouses are intimately aware of and impacted by their spouse’s choices. In a sense, couples have a significant vested interest in watching out for one another and encouraging healthy choices and behavior.
A strong social network. Married couples tend to like to network with other married couples. It allows for genuine bonding with folks in a similar life situation and the long-term ramifications help a couple create a community of like-minded people you can rely upon and socialize with.
Social recognition. It was always funny to me how people would often speak to my partner and me before we married as if we were married. They’d call us by each other’s last names or refer to our “wife” or “husband.” People just seemed to think that calling us a married couple was a sign of respect. Old social norms die hard, in-law families also tend to take you more seriously because now they know you’re around to stay. So, whether or not you’re crazy about the in-laws unless they’re the jealous type, chances are they’ll give you more credit when you’re married.
Children. Marriage is good for children because it gives them a sense of stability and also helps keep a steady relationship between both parents and the child. In a time where we have a crisis of single parenthood, access to both parents equally, is always better for children, unless of course, one parent is abusive or unstable.
Improve your personality. Let’s just face it. When you live in a continual partnership, you have to be easier going, flexible and communicative. Joint living teaches you about your shortcomings as well as how to be a more patient person. In a healthy marriage, your partner encourages you to be your best because they know it directly impacts their own wellbeing.
Of course, all these assumptions are based on the premise of a sound and healthy marriage. An unsound marriage has no benefits. Marriage is not for everyone. And there are more and more creative ways to do partnerships that work for many people. But if you are considering getting hitched, but still not sure or want to be fully prepared, do your research. I remember right after we got married, our accountant told us that we had we married two months too early in terms of our ideal tax situation. Who knew? Review your marriage plans with professionals before the fact. An accountant, a lawyer, a doctor, a therapist, a religious counselor, or even a good friend can all provide insights and awareness of all the implications of getting married.
If you want more information, a great book is The Case For Marriage, Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier and Better Off Financially.
If you do decide to get married, particularly in an exotic location, don’t forget to invite me 😉