It took me a while to figure this one out. Not because it’s so inaccessible or requires incredible resources to discover. The number one secret to successful relationships is practical, obvious and powerful. The only problem with it is it involves some serious keeping in check of one’s own pride and ego, continuous effort and an ability to turn the mirror onto one’s self.
Yes, my friends, the number one secret to making relationships successful is putting the responsibility for success on yourself. If you are bothered by someone or just can’t find someone that meets your standards then ask yourself, what can I do differently to be happier in this situation?
I have sat and listened to countless people (including myself) list the failings and annoying tendencies of other people, only to painfully watch them realize, that the only person that they can assuredly change is themselves. Does this mean you can’t affect other people’s behavior or tell them if they are doing something that bothers you? Absolutely not! What it does mean is that you are always the first source of change, even if that is as simple as communicating a boundary or a need. And often, the key to a successful relationship is as simple as accepting people for who they are.
Now, with this said, a relationship is the most significant area of influence in our lives. Our partners, dates, children, best friends and clients can have very profound effects on the way we see ourselves and the world. It is part of the beauty of love to sometimes affectionately work towards bringing out the best in our loved ones. But ultimately, we are here to become the best versions of ourselves. You can try to change others as much as you want, as long as you are imperfect, they will point out your flaws back.
When you are a situation that makes you unhappy or uncomfortable, ask yourself what you can do differently. Sometimes it may be as simple as changing the way you think about a situation and react to someone.
See relationships as a long-term investment. If you want a garden to flower for you, it takes a commitment of feeding, watering, and weathering the seasons. Commit through the harder moments as well. A relationship can’t even be called such until you’ve weathered a storm together and managed to stay in a relationship. I think this is a life trait that our current world has foregone for the ability to be adaptable. We now have many beautiful inventions that enable us to be interconnected and inventive at all times, but with this adaptability also came the ability to change that which we don’t like with ease. With time and investment, relationships take on a depth of maturity that short-lived relationships can’t fulfill.
In essence, be the change. If you feel like your best friend is cheap, ask yourself, have I been generous in this relationship? By first changing what is in your own hands to change, you take the onus of blame out of the equation and empower yourself with the ability to make effectuate change. How empowering!
Wishing you many blessings in your relationships.